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December 02, 2006

The Long Horse Conspiracy

Manipulated photograph – Long horse has obviously been removed.

We're aghast. And we ask ourselves how the doubters refuse to believe in the long horse when so many have marveled at its elegance (and wept at it's demise).

But we may have the answer. Conspirators are afoot! And they mean to eradicate our beloved long horse from the collective memory.

One hour ago, I received the above photograph in an anonymous email, along with the terse statement: "here's more proof for you... ha! bastard!"

Like so many other retouched photographs of its kind, its obviously another attempt to extinguish all evidence of the long horse. Yet, here we can clearly see that the retouch is barely decent—it's your typical 'rush job', perhaps done for the purposes of combating the discussion on this blog—and it wouldn't fool an amateur. But the photo does make one thing clear: someone (probably a secret conglomerate, closely associated with the government) is working very hard to erase the long horse, even as we speak!

Louis02Well, by God, we won't stand for it! Because we stand for truth. And rightness. And because we are the kind of people who made little fluffy animals talk to one another when we were but wee-children. What kind of children were these back room schemers?! These plotters of evil? They were probably the type that stole your hat on the playground. Or kicked dirt on your magnifying glass, while you were trying to burn a leaf. Or... you get the picture. And so, we can only conjecture... what could be this conspiracy's motive? Why the gross rewriting of history? Especially when so many who are still living have seen the noble creature, first hand.

Note: New long horse evidence, just in!

Bring forward the witnesses...

Witness 1: Liberal Avenger says,

When I was in the Army in Italy in 1944 I saw a long horse that unfortunately had to be put down after a minor shrapnel wound to it's leg. So remarkly big and docile, she was. Her owner wept when we shot her at his request.

The village butcher made mortadella from her flesh (really!).

Witness 2: Testicles says,

When I was a child, my grandmother used to read me a story called "Jeeno, Heloise and Igamor, the Long, Long Horse". After she was done she'd tell me about growing up on the farm in Poland and the old long horse named Czeslaw that grazed in the pasture. She said her dad would tell her stories about the days when the horse would travel around Europe performing in shows. Poor Czeslaw died while my grandmother was young. I wish she had been able to take photographs.

Witness 3: anomalous4 says,

Mark Twain mentioned long horses at least twice, in an article published in the San Francisco Bulletin and another in the Californian (a weekly literary journal).

Witness 4: Reese says,

The digestive and circulatory problems involved in such a long bodied mammal are exactly why this breed died out - once they got to adulthood, the strain was just too much. Unfortunately they required so much more food that most farms didn't have more than one or 2. This caused a drastic downswing in breeding stocks....

...These long horses were a true marvel to behold in their day. My grandparents cared for one on their homestead in Alberta for a few months, but it wasn't a healthy enough specimen to ever try riding it unfortunately.

Witness 5: raincoaster says

It's such a shame that people can't let us grieve for these magnificent equines, but must constantly quibble and question. Does sorrow need footnotes? Does despair require a citation?

I bow my head and recall with sorrow the memory of these now-fallen gentle giants.

December 2, 2006 | Permalink


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» The Long Horse Sweeps the World from NDNL
One of my favourite blogs for a long time has been Tinselman (mentioned here and here, so it must be true). A few weeks ago, this lover of cryptozoology and forgotten kingdoms ran a post about the now-extinct long horse. That he could actually provide... [Read More]

Tracked on Dec 3, 2006 12:30:10 PM

» Long horse on Wikipedia from Boing Boing
Wikipedia has an article on long horses (see previous Boing Boing entry here). Apparently, some people doubt they ever existed! Above, a color photo of a long horse. Note that it is much longer than the horses shown in the black and white photos. This... [Read More]

Tracked on Dec 4, 2006 11:09:18 AM


There is one last long horse still left in existence... he hides in my pants.

Posted by: Cowicide | Dec 2, 2006 8:31:08 PM

Chuckles: I did my best:
(would've just trackbacked but my feed is down, so...)

Posted by: Nils | Dec 3, 2006 1:05:58 AM

i didn't really do any research, but i am pretty fascinated by the long horse. i posted about it on my blog and i think i'll start looking around for more evidence of their existence.

Posted by: .f | Dec 3, 2006 6:15:17 AM

Wow, the conspiracy rages on! The attempts to validate this phenomenon through its presence or absence from Wikipedia reminds me of another existence/non-existence contraversy . . .

Posted by: Mark | Dec 3, 2006 9:06:31 AM

It is proposed that this article be deleted, because of the following concern:

Article about a non-notable, blog-driven hoax

If you can address this concern by improving, copyediting, sourcing, renaming or merging the page, please edit this page and do so. You may remove this message if you improve the article, or if you otherwise object to deletion of the article for any reason. To avoid confusion, it helps to explain why you object to the deletion, either in the edit summary or on the talk page. If this template is removed, it should not be replaced.

The article may be deleted if this message remains in place for five days (This template was added: 3 December 2006).

If you created the article, please don't take offense. Instead, consider improving the article so that it is acceptable according to the deletion policy. Nominator: Please consider notifying the author(s) of this page via their user talk page using {{subst:prodwarning|Long Horse}} ~~~~.

Posted by: even the wikipedia now is surrendered to the evidente | Dec 3, 2006 12:44:01 PM

Proof that the pantomime horse IS A REAL BEAST !!!!!

Posted by: palmer_eldritch | Dec 4, 2006 7:08:12 AM

I've done a brief history of the rise and fall of the Longhorse here:

Posted by: raincoaster | Dec 4, 2006 7:21:09 AM

I would say that undoubtedly a great deal of the controversy regarding this animal resides in the unfortunate conflation of myth with fact. Many romantics ascribe terrible misdeeds and the like to what was ultimately a simple question of economics, vis-a-vis the disappearance of the animal from the farmstead or equine afficianado.

The outbuildings alone for this breed had to be three times the length of the typical stall enclosure.

The saddles, blankets, etc, also had to be custom-made in most cases, and required a great deal more material and labor than that of the average horses' tack. The added weight of these horses caused heavy re-shoeing and shodding.

Finally, also regarding the stabling of this breed, they were notoriously prone to bronchial infections, necessitating an entirely additional amount of care and attention to both the outbuilding construction, heating, and overall attention to the animal(s) being cared for. Something as simple as overfeeding could cause a broken spine.

Suffice to say, the long-horse was suited for only the most dedicated and moneyed owner, something that was purely above and beyond the means or inclination of most farmers or agrarians, who were primarily inclined to see the matter in simple terms of efficiency.

Just a few points that hopefully will address some of the realities of the history behind this breed. Nonetheless, I too mourn the passing of this great equine.

Posted by: Jack | Dec 4, 2006 3:19:44 PM

I can say, with absolute certainty, that these photographs are fakes. They are very funny, but nothing more. On the photo (of the horse jumping down the bank) you can see no girth (which is a strap that acts as a belt, that keeps the saddle in place) and with no girth the there is no way the rider could stay in place over a jump that height. On another (where the white horse is leaping through the air) the breed the of the horse is a lipizzaner. Lipizzaners were bred in Spain, and must be registered in order to be trained, in order to be able to perform a stunt like that. The point being, the Spanish Riding School would never register a horse that so clearly goes against the guidlines for the conformation of a lipizzaner.

Posted by: Annie | Dec 4, 2006 3:46:49 PM

All apologies to cordiality, the matter of "absolute certainty" to which many of the naysayers here (or, "neigh-sayers" pun intended) associate with, is nothing more than pure ignorance. How many of these people have SEEN a long horse? How many have touched, ridden, fed, cared or kept one? None.

Those here who invest in the idea that there was never even a single long-horse in existance, ALL, to an individual, suffer from the common malady of simple foolishness due to lack of familiarity.

Bring us one single individual who can positively identify the passed species by way of actual study or hands-on experience, and the subject will be settled. Until then, "ride on". This is a matter for serious students of the extolled histories, not wished-washed dilettantes spoon-feeding vague heresays and other such bland-mashed pabulum.

Posted by: Jack | Dec 4, 2006 5:23:46 PM

In 1971 Annie M.G. Schmidt wrote a Dutch children's book called "Pluk van de Petteflet".
In this book appaered a character called "Langhors" (in the Dutch version). Lang in Dutch is long in English. Hors of course referes to horse. This url show s a picture of that horse:

It is obviously a hommage to the long horse breed. Schmidt had several of these horses in het childhood.

Posted by: Brqkke | Dec 5, 2006 11:47:56 PM

I'm reading - and enjoying - the novel "Marjorie Morningstar" by Herman Wouk, about the life of a middle-class Jewish girl in New York in the 1930s. Early in the book I was struck by this passage on page 16, when Marjorie is taking riding lessons in Central Park:

A Negro boy in jeans lounged out of a far stall and into another stall. "Price Charming coming up," he called. After a moment or two he began to lead out a horse; began, that is, because the process took a while to complete. Not that the horse was unwilling. It came out readily enough, but it never seemed to stop coming. The Negro appeared to be unreeling the beast from a large spool inside the stall. It was by far the longest living thing Marjorie had ever seen. At last the rear end came into sight, with a limp straggling tail.

Posted by: ranjit | Dec 20, 2006 1:25:02 PM

Where is the long horse? I want the long Horse.

Posted by: chris sanders | May 27, 2007 4:18:04 PM

I first saw a picture of one of these not but a day ago and I thought, "Impossible, if it's real, why haven't I heard of it?". Then I began looking into them, and I realized that the evidence was sufficient enough to prove Long Horses existed, and changed my mind completely.

Posted by: Emily | Jul 16, 2007 12:31:56 AM

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