August 11, 2007
I Smell War... Again!
Dearest people of the Repulbic (of Tinselman)... warning! Strange things are afoot. Just the other day, this video was sent to us (and by "us", I'm simply refering to my own Khanly amazingness, which is probably as freakishly great as Obiwan, or Gandolf the white, in the second Lord of the Rings movie, when you first see him, and he's glowing like a white, glowing god, and everyone has to blind their eyes – the mere sight of him is awe-inspiring... that's how tinselistic wow-magical I've become! In fact, I even speak with a deeper voice! Downright thunderous! And grown men faint when I pass! I am the Tinselkhan!)
So anyway, an anonymous source sent this video to me and, of course, my first reaction was uncontrolled laughter. What a great prank to play; I wish I'd thought of it myself! I was relaxed and happy, until I realized that the "offended" car was my own!... parked directly in front of our RoP London embassy building.
I can only come to one conclusion. This direct attack on my car was by none other than our greatest and most longstanding enemy: the wikipedians. Have you read their entry on fireworks?!... it makes me want to puke! Who else would be equipped for such an attack?! They have struck at the heart of our Republic (I really loved that car... I mean, it was like zen-and-the-art-of-car type of love... It only had 13,000 miles on it, and I was about to install a new sound system and everything. Quad speakers, the works, so I guess I saved some dough on the sound system, but still, I'm pretty pissed about the car itself).
So we're striking back. I'm not sure how. We will be subtle. We will be move like a graceful dancer (or many of them, moving together, gracefully), and we will strike. But not with fireworks. (anyone have any good ideas?)
By the way, we won the war against the Museum of Dust! I'm not sure what happened, but I think, after they chased us into space, they made a wrong turn or something, and got lost. That pretty much spelled their demise: it wasn't long before they were captured by aliens and placed into jars of formaldehyde!... (at last we see their true forms!)
Note: Do not believe what you read on their website. It is full of misinformation and lies!
August 11, 2007 | Permalink
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Oh, arrrgh, those danged "Wikipeedans".
I have some used cat litter we could bag nicely in paper, place on their doorstep, light up, ring the doorbell and run, but that would seem too small a blow after the exploding fireworks of The Car Incident.
Posted by: Bonnie | Aug 11, 2007 2:43:14 PM
Great idea, Bonnie, but I fear it's far too late for the old cat liter trick (even though it worked perfectly with Octobrain). We need something bigger. Something that would hit them at the very core of their deceptive misinformation! We must destroy the beast... before it destroys the world!
(more bad news to come)
Posted by: robyn | Aug 11, 2007 3:35:26 PM
I take it that you were so shaken with anger at the attack that you had a few typos in there? Obviously there is no way the great Khan could make a mistake otherwise...
Posted by: Joelson Carl | Aug 11, 2007 9:43:45 PM
Keep in mind that this is just the first idea that came to mind, and I, as a rather new—yet loyal—citizen, am determined to help our glorious "Repulbic" in every way possible! The Khan did say he wanted something subtle. Well, those wicked-pedians seem to believe in the primitive idea that the Earth is a jigsaw puzzle—notice the emblem of their federation (or whatever societal noun they use amongst themselves…I think "collective" suits them well). Anyway, what is more annoying than a puzzle with 1 piece missing? I'm not quite sure how we'd pull this off, but it's at least a start until we come up with a better plan.
(So, does this officially make me a minister now?)
Posted by: Ren | Aug 11, 2007 10:49:17 PM
Ooh! I see a large truckful of assorted puzzles, each with only one piece missing, dumped strategically at their headquarters.
Wait - do collectives have headquarters?
Posted by: indie | Aug 12, 2007 1:43:17 PM
Say, that's so evil it just might work!
Posted by: Bonnie | Aug 12, 2007 10:30:04 PM
My friend has a puzzle from Star Wars Episode I that we could contribute to this effort. We opened the box out of its original wrapping, put it together, and found a couple pieces missing.
Posted by: Joelson Carl | Aug 13, 2007 4:46:50 PM
I say we have someone sneak into their headquarters and hide a drip-sound or cricket-chirping device. Either that, or an exceptionally loud clock, somplace where it would never, ever be found.
Posted by: alli | Aug 15, 2007 10:38:08 AM
We could duct tape a clock to the backside of one of the sinks in the public restroom. Those rooms have incredible resonating capabilities.
Posted by: indie | Aug 16, 2007 10:08:23 AM
or maybe somewhere in the ventilation system? It would resonate through the entire building, and getting it out would be next to impossible.
Posted by: alli | Aug 16, 2007 11:57:10 AM
The ventilation idea rocks! But I think the puzzle idea may be even better. Let's vote on it! No wait... we never vote on anything. The Illustrious Khan makes all the decisions! And I decide to go with an insanely confusing puzzle! Ha!!!
In fact, I've already begun working on it! But there's a problem, the "wikies" are already preparing for our attack (oh, this will be fun). I'll explain more later.
Take heart, citizens! Stand firm! Remember... the only thing to fear is wikipedia (and the infultration of the wikies!
Posted by: Illustrious Khan | Aug 16, 2007 1:45:55 PM
This have anything to do with wikiscanner?
Posted by: Danxia | Aug 20, 2007 1:56:02 PM
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