February 23, 2006
WAR WAR WAR!!!
As peace-loving President (for life) of the Republic of Tinselman, I have some news that may come as a surprise: War has been declared (by me) against the state of NSK! It seems they've moved in on our "non-territory" and are rapidly gaining ground. We cannot allow this! We will not allow this!
The NSK dares to taunt us by calling themselves, "A state in time, a state without territory and national borders, a sort of 'spiritual, virtual state.'" Worse yet, they claim to be, "the first global state in the universe." Preposterous!!!
Obviously, there cannot be two of us. One of us will have to go and it's not going to be us. We're the good guys. We use mysterious phrases like "Woah-hey" and "Wow-magical." We embrace Godzilla and the Loch Ness Monster. We practice top-secret "boo" tactics and adore tinsel (because of its obvious magical properties). The NSK does none of these things. And they are dangerous and diabolical to their very core. Allow me to illustrate:
First, unlike the Republic of Tinselman, the NSK has no president, no monarch, no leader of any clear kind. Instead it functions under a "shared" borg-like "collective." This is obvious nonsense.
Hmm still, I've got to admit, I've always liked passports. I think it's the stamps. They can be very cool. Hmm. I'm torn.
Okay, thirdly, the NSK are just so elitist. They've got luxurious resort-like embassies all around the world and only V.I.P. citizens of the NSK get to party hardy at them. This is a stark contrast to the the Republic of Tinselman, where any and all citizens have an open invitation to The Eternal Holiday Palace of Tinsadelic Summertime. And being citizen is as simple as reading this blog. Snap... you're in.
Moving on. Fourthly, and I'm afraid they've got us beat hands down on this one: posters. Recruitment posters. And this one with the fembot is just beyond greatness (shame on us):
Oh... and they've also got this logo that's just tinseliciously manical (and that's good):
All the good things the NSK happens to do are just more reasons to go to war with them. Plus, declaring war gave me this amazing rush of power! Wonderful War! Yeah, baby! And the first thing we're gonna need is a great logo! Definetely. And we've still got our flag, our Flying Funkturos, our Lucy Mark V Parliament Building, our Presidential Wienermobile and our Dymaxion Houses. And all we've got to do is show those NSK-ers that we're better than they are. Ha! We'll get there! Victory is ours! Victory! Victory!
Thank you for your kind attention.
Your President for Life,
a. Plaques of NSK Embassies
b. Fembot Wants You!
c. NSK logo
February 23, 2006 | Permalink
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The evidence that our President for Life has presented in the lead up to this war is certainly convincing. It is high time we acknowledged our hedge-money and used it for good!
And to show them that we can operate in multiple theatres, why not take out Neurocam for good measure?
Posted by: Mark | Feb 24, 2006 12:37:38 AM
I agree with the President. The NSK demonstrates an encroaching threat to our Tinselanian way of life. Therefore as Minister of Flags... and yadda, yadda, yadda, I propose we create biological weapons which will destroy the NSK. I've spoken with some independent scientists about this and such a virus could reconstruct the brain waves of any NSK loyalist to become instant members of the Republic of Tinselman. It needs work, however, because we did a field test, and so far all the virus has done was cause intense flatulence and anal leakage... so, whatcha gonna do, really?
Posted by: Adam Wilmer | Feb 24, 2006 6:46:30 AM
How dare they.
Posted by: Mark | Feb 24, 2006 10:30:07 AM
I'm actually starting to enjoy this insanity, maybe I need a lithium booster.
Posted by: rgmb | Feb 24, 2006 11:13:39 AM
RGMB... insanity you say? Nothing of the sort. How dare you! Unless, of course, you mean the obvious nauseating insanity of the NSK. I should of known that's what you meant! Yes, you're right... it would be almost funny, wouldn't it be. If it weren't so horribly grotesque!!!
Thank you for your input.
Posted by: Robyn | Feb 24, 2006 11:43:34 AM
Shall I test the weapon on this RGMB, Mister President? At best it would make him completely loyal to our cause. At worst he'd get a squishy case of the stinkys...
Posted by: Adam Wilmer | Feb 24, 2006 11:48:54 AM
HRH,or as you prefer, Mr.President, I defer to your royal interpretation. As to the lobotomized suggestion of my annihilation, I trust you protect all your citizens who choose to speak freely. ?
Besides which, my unfortunate circumstances prohibit me from purchasing lithium on credit any longer. (let's see how vast your knowledge and power to scan the tinselmania historic records for that obscure movie line.)
I trust you will not disappoint....for you ARE quite shiny and metallic in a decoratively festive sort of way.
I remain your curious citizen in waiting, r
Posted by: rgmb | Feb 24, 2006 12:21:45 PM
The passport idea is pretty cool, though...
ahem, I mean, certainly, Mr. President - we should deal with them immediately! I suggest something slow and painful for their insolence - band-aid torture, perhaps? Or, capture them alive and ship them off to serve life sentences as door-to-door tupperware salesmen in Siberia!
Posted by: Alli | Feb 24, 2006 1:39:18 PM
RGMB... don't worry, Adam is perfectly harmless.
Posted by: Robyn | Feb 24, 2006 4:11:21 PM
Emergency Announcement!!! I am ANGRY! (or at least a little upset). NSK, an obviously fictional state, has an entry on Wikipedia. We do not! Granted, their entry sucks but it's infinitely better than our non-entry.
So... I just went about correcting this gross error and my entry was just so beautifully written and it contained practically everything there was to know about the Republic of Tinselman. Woah-Hey! You would have loved it!
But then something horrible happened. Sabotage! During last minute edits, some uptight Wikipedia official (obviously an NSK-er) erased it. Damn them!!!
Ha! I copied the text. And I am still possibly prepared to make the entry. Because if the NSK has a Wikipedia entry than so should we!!!
However, there is another (more ruthless) way... if we can't find a way to get a Republic of Tinselman entry onto Wiki-nonsensia, we could always lodge a complaint about the NSK fictional-country entry. Oh... how perfectly wicked! (no, we couldn't do that... yes we could... no we couldn't... yes we could... no... yes... no... ahhh!!!)
Posted by: Robyn | Feb 24, 2006 4:31:21 PM
Or we could always just spam the crap out of the site until it crashed...
Posted by: Adam Wilmer | Feb 24, 2006 4:41:02 PM
Adam... we will merely impress them until they are ashamed of being who they are... fakes!
Posted by: Robyn | Feb 24, 2006 4:45:15 PM
Non violent solutions... blah... oh well, where the President leads, I follow...!
Posted by: Adam Wilmer | Feb 24, 2006 4:48:02 PM
We should have passports. And money. Cause if Emperor Norton can do it, then by thunder, so can Our President!
Posted by: Eleri | Feb 24, 2006 4:55:52 PM
What?! Our great leader? Angry? NOW they shall suffer the wrath of - well, actually, we're not quite sure of what yet. But they sure are begging for it.
As for the non-violent means, we could sign a petition to Wikipedia. I mean honestly, how hard can it be to prove the existence of a fictional Republic? Okay, so maybe the passports would make it a little more convincing. Or, we could make our own Wiki-thingamabob. Tikipedia, perhaps?
That certainly is extremely vexing about the obviously conspiratorial Wiki-nonsense for the NSK-ers, though. I am terribly vexed.
Posted by: Alli | Feb 24, 2006 6:32:29 PM
Robyn just sent me an email, and he's not happy about wikipedia being complete jerks about it all. I mean, I've seen my share of meaningless entries, and I think Alli has a really good idea with signing a petition. So what that the Republic of Tinselman doesn't haven membership cards? I personally feel like a part of a cool organization, and the wikipedia people should acknowledge that, whether they think its a joke or not. WAR!
Posted by: Adam Wilmer | Feb 24, 2006 6:42:18 PM
Trusting in your wise discretion, r
Posted by: rgmb | Feb 24, 2006 6:50:53 PM
A movie line comes to mind... spoken by penguins in Madagascar... "well this sucks!"
Whoa-Hey? Interesting salutation. That have it's origins alongside Frisbe Golf by chance?
And why couldn't we prove the existence of the Republic? We have the means to produce any materials, protocol, etc. necessary to establish the "state" so what's the hold up?
Posted by: Donnie Fischer | Feb 24, 2006 8:30:49 PM
Wiki vs. Tiki -- Tiki wins!
In part because it's just that much cooler to say (as Rudyard knew only too well).
Posted by: Scott Elyard | Feb 25, 2006 5:47:05 PM
Many comments... it is time to post.
Posted by: Robyn | Feb 26, 2006 1:36:44 PM
I've just recently started reading this blog. Does that mean I am a citizen of the Republic of Tinselman?
Woah-hey, that would be cool.
I will gladly join you in your war against this NSK.
Posted by: Joelson | Feb 26, 2006 4:18:56 PM
War is a worthy cause when in the cause of
supporting the highest standards of tinsel.
As the hereditary monarch (and only) of the non existent Kingdom - Grand Duchy
of Grunewald, (circa 1974) non located in
the forested hills of Berekely, Calif. I have dual "citizenship" being a loyal
supporter of the Republic of Tinselman
and the soverign of KOG (Kingdom of Grunewald) I do not have standing armed forces but I do have a Lord High Admiral,
and I would be happy to lend him to you if you are contemplating naval non actions against the upstarts from the Balkans. I will warn you though that history has been littered with the wreckage of Baltic
adventures, hopefully they will be the
losers and not the grand and noble Republic. I would be honoured to have my
non kingdom-Grand Duchy considered a staunch ally should you so wish and decide.
I will look forward to hearing "dispatches from the non Front"......and shall pray and hope for Victory and all its sweet rewards!
Posted by: CrisG | Feb 27, 2006 10:25:18 AM
I don't have a Military as such, but would be willing to loan the Republic of Tinselman Mr. Scribbles, who is very good at being quiet, and a decent chess player.
Posted by: Scott Elyard | Mar 2, 2006 12:51:31 AM
To make the Tiki be an even more decisive victory, you could always use Wikipedia's software, MediaWiki. Use their own weapon against them!
I've also done some careful reading of Wikipedia's policies, and it looks like there might be some ways to get the Republic an article, or at least, mention in the NSK article . . .
Just doing my part to be a good citizen.
Posted by: Alex | Mar 4, 2006 2:00:47 PM
pls explaine to me in detail the meaning of NSK is it a cuntry or what? pls I will be expecting your reply soonest.
Posted by: adewale omoniyi | Feb 29, 2008 3:29:32 PM