January 28, 2006
Killer American Icon
I just finished this painting (in digital media). It's a very different style for me. I kept it overly simple. It's titled "Icon No. 1 – Tank" but I just as well could have called it "cocooned" or "cozy and warm inside".
I may get around to doing a series of these Icon paintings, representing iconic stuff and persons in American culture (as I see it). I'm starting now on the Madonna (not the singer, though she's almost more iconic than the mother of Christ – if she turns out I'll let you know).
January 26, 2006
Free the Junkbots!
Robots are our friends. Robots are nice. We should be nice to them. We should buy them, and set them all free!
The Earth is Out Tonight, My Love
Seeing as how L.B.J. has been silent for awhile, I think it's safe to post once more.
If one had the opportunity to be in the correct locale of Copenhagen on July 18, 2004, one would have witnessed an extraordinary event, a phenomenal event, an event worth the telling and the retelling (and the retelling). On that singular night, the earth rose (in moon-like fashion), it rose above the horizon – a "full-earth", so to speak. (click on photo for larger image)
This was not a celestial phenomenon. It was not the hand of God. It was the work of Danish artist Peter Callesen, who often uses words like "magic" and "fairtytale" when describing his own installations and performances.
And... Woah–hey! He's done some Wow–magical stuff! (Look below for more photos.)
a. Floating Castle – Two week inhabited performance
b. Palace of Dreams – Polystyrene castle performance
c. Mirage – Paper staircase installation
d. White Wall – Installation
January 10, 2006
Vice Presidential Letter #002
O F F I C E O F T H E V I C E P R E S I D E N T
W A S H I N G T O N
January 11, 2006
Dear Citizens of the Republic of Tinselman,
It's damn near laughable that somebody imagines they can keep me, Lyndon B. Johnson, Vice President of the Republic of Tinselman, from postin' to this here weblog an' communicatin' to the fine citizens of the Republic. This is a obvious attempt to manipulate all messages to the Republic. Now I'm ain't inferin' "tyranny" but folks... I'm smellin' a bit uva' foul smell in the Tinselman air. Where's is this smell leaking from? Who is it leaking from?
These are concerns we need ta' be address'n and we need ta' be address'n 'em now. And this is why I (and my staff) have prepared this short audio message. I pray to God you listen to it.
Thank you, citizens, for your concern.
Yours Very Sincerely,
Lyndon B. Johnson
Vice President of the Republic of Tinselman
Citizens of the Republic of Tinselman
Tinselman Talk Blog
January 09, 2006
What many people have understandably mistaken for UFOs, are actually the Funkturo Home, dwelling of all appointed Ministers of the Republic of Tinselman. They come in a plethora of delightful colors and, unlike the Futuro Home (on which they're roughly based), they can fly without the aid of a helicopter.
In addition, the oval Funkturo makes a stunning architectural appendage to almost any existing structure (as is demonstrated by these mislabeled prototype Funkturos).
Bryan Jones, you have dishonored and decieved the fair citizens of our Republic. Here now, you stand before the Tribunal of Tinselman (which is me) and I find you... almost guilty! What do you have to say for yourself?
The water buffalo was most skillfully......stuffed...... That's right, museum quality taxidermy. I would never stand in such close proximity to a live water buffalo, as they are foul tempered animals concerned more with self preservation and less concerned with my welfare. Instead should I ever have the opportunity to visit far away places where water buffalos live, I would rely upon science, technology and just a little magic to capture quality images from afar.
What! That's it? I can barely believe what I'm hearing. Are you even a citizen of Tinselman? I think it's time to bring some evidence forward (now that I've found you almost almost gullty). I bring your attention to exhibit (A): this photograph of Lurch, the Watusi Steer. With horns measuring 38" in circumference, you might assume that the Lurch photograph was taken with a hi-tech telephoto lens. I assure you it was not. In proof of this fact, I bring your attention to exhibit (B). Yes, that's right! Those are little tiny fearless children! What do you have to say to this, Mr.-pretend-to-be-one-with-the-buffalos, Bryan William Jones?!
Bring forward exhibit (C), please.
Mr. Jones, I would like you to stare into the face of this ferocious beast. Look into it's crazed face. It is shark-like wild, angry and so obviously hungry for human blood eyes. Now, look into the eyes of the little boy standing next to it. Calm, fearless and in control of this wow-magical creature. And this tiny boy – this courageous genius – is not frightened in the least. He stands and smiles.
This is the exact sort of genius we want in the Republic of Tinselman! In fact, this is the sort of young man we need to lead our young nation forward! Not a man who is only concerned with his own mere "self-preservation" but a young boy who is tinseliciously-brave enough to form a zen like bond between buffalo and himself. And so, as of this very moment, I'm am appointing him Minister of Zen-like Buffalo Control.
Now Bryan, it is time to be sentenced. I'm stripping you of the last part of your title! But I still want to keep that really big word (because it's so cool). This will be your new title: Minister of Science and Neurophysiology Magic.
In the meantime, we are all very much looking forward to your robot!
Court is over and out.
January 06, 2006
Atomic Death Cleaner
It's time for another appointment. Bryan William Jones, I appoint you Minister of Science and Magic and Water Buffalo Control. Why? Because you took one look at the Eternal Holiday Palace of Tinsadelic Summertime and a lighting bolt of an idea popped into your brain. This is what you said:
Keeping all those skylights clean would be a problem. Sounds like just the sort of job for little crawling window cleaning robots. Yeah.... perhaps that needs to be the first product to come out of the Ministry of Science and Magik?
Wow! So eloquently and brilliantly stated; this is a brilliant-genius concept... I love this robot idea! And from it I have intuited that you are the most amazing sort of genius. In fact, I found the proof for it at your web site.
First, a a close-up photo of a water buffalo. These are wow-magical creatures. But they are also dangerous creatures and only a (courageous) genius would get close enough to take this most excellent photograph. Were you frightened? Were you shivering? Or did you lock eyes with pitiable creature (in one of those primal staring contests) until it melted away into a veritable puddle of water buffalo slime?
Yes... you're a genius because of the water buffalo but also because... you have a funka-megalicious ill-highly-contagious job title: Retinal Neurophysiology Scientist! Woah-hey! You - are - smart! And in fact, I'm adding that really big word to your Republic of Tinselman title: Bryan William Jones, Minister of Science and Magic and Water Buffalo Neurophysiology Control (and who could possibly say I am not generous with titles?).
So, Bryan, we (the peoples of the Republic of Tinselman) are currently all awaiting your retinal-scopic robotic-crawling-superbrain window-cleaning-machine. But of course, that's not the name of this robot. The real name must be much more exciting! Something like "Atomic Death Cleaner" or "C5X-70 Super-Planetary Window-bot". You'll be able to come up with something. (A photograph would be best... I've provided some of these classics as inspiration for your design.)
By the way, if you don't come up with at least something, I will strip you of your honorable title and I will force you to listen to my rendition of Life on Mars by David Bowie... I'm told it's pretty tortuous.
What the devil's going on?! I'm gone for one day (to the Eternal Holiday Palace of Tinsadelic Summertime) and all hell breaks loose while I'm gone!
As an aside I must admit that the palace, now that it's finally finished, is most tinselicioiusly sensational (though not at all overstated). During design, I took a few ideas from Anttti Lovag's Bubble House as well as some other really ultra-curvy 70s architecture. And now, right off the bat, let me make this perfectly clear... this is not exclusively a Presidential Palace! It belongs to all great citizens of the Republic of Tinselman (just another amazing free advantage of RoT)! So next time you feel like some R&R, stop by EHPoTS (More photos below).
Now, where was I? Oh yes... all hell breaking loose. I am shocked. I am horrified. And I'm a little weirded out. As president (for life) of this fine nation, I feel I owe you all an apology (even though I clearly did not do anything wrong). I don't know how Lyndon B. Johnson managed to post to my blog but I assure you of this: I am the President for Life of the Republic of Tinselman and only I can appoint a Vice President! Besides that, this republic doesn't have a Vice President because they're boring and normal and traditional... and that's not what we're about!
Okay? Besides, his letter disgusted me. Well at least that part about the spy-microphones... and calling Spock a "yankee" and hind titty and such. What a strange and pig-like man! But that part about the crapper... I have to admit that was pure genius. And buttons of some sort... that's also good. And then his use of the word "bodacious" really cracked me up.
But he's a wicked, evil man and I hate his guts! And I assure you I'll do everything in my power to make sure there is no Vice Presidential Letter #002.
a. Front entrance to Palace
b. Garden Hub #12 (out of 30 hubs)
c. Luxury Suite – Living room
d. Mood-food Cafe – Room changes colors as you eat
e. Luxury Suite – Couple lounging in bedroom
January 05, 2006
Vice Presidential Letter #001
O F F I C E O F T H E V I C E P R E S I D E N T
W A S H I N G T O N
January 5, 2006
Dear President Miller and Citizens of the Republic of Tinselman,
Right off the bat, I gotta tell ya this: ya done one hell of a job with that weblog a' yours. An' I read a lotta these so called "blogs"... you know, with me givin' out the Bloggies awards an' everything an' hell... most of them weblogs suck hind titty. But yur Tinselman Talk is damn near right on the money. An' I especially enjoyed that bodacious photo a' me in yur last "posting".
But that ain't what I'm writtin' 'bout. I been readin' here on Tinselman Talk 'bout yur so called Republic a' Tinselman and I am mos' definetely intrigued; fact is, I damn near got my panties in a wad in anticipation of signin' the proverbial dotted line'... an' doin' my part to assist (in my own particular fashion).
'Scuse me... I sincerely gotta go sit on the crapper for a spell... uh... and I'll jus' dictate from over yonder.
Ahhh. Okay. Now... I been V.P. of the United States (of the U.S.A.) for many a moon – too damn many (heh, heh) – so I wanna fill ya in on sumthin'... I'm 'bout fed up with this here entire United States Vice Presidential kit-and-kaboodle. An' I also wanna tell ya this here... I got my eyes on this so-called Tinselman Republic. Me. So that's why I am, as of right at this very moment, appointin' myself (Lyndon B. Johnson) as the first ever Vice President of the Republic of Tinselman.
As the first V.P. I gotta load a' "tinselicious" notions and such. Like my designs for the Tinselman Secret Service Agency... a branch of government which we will most positively require. How the hell else are we gonna plant them wee-bitty spy-microphones an' hunt down traitors an' assasinate people an' string up bad guys an' such? Got that? And for all you pretty little ladies, I done up a few gazillion a these here fancy blue an' white pins (don't forget who ya love, sweetsies).
One last note. Some of ya might be a wee-bit confounded 'bout a thing or two. Ya might suppose I wuz promoted, so to speak, to the office of President of the US of A. Hell, ya might even suppose I wuz dead (lying in a grave, as cold as a witch's titty, heh, heh). Well, here's the god-honest truth; I ain't sure that I myself can wrap my brain 'round none of this here confusion. Best as best as I can imagine, I'm figurin' I'm trapped in some sorta impossible paradoxical Star Trek-styled time an' space warpin' kinda reality (or I guess that freak-Vulcan-yankee with the elf-ears might say, "Yes sir, Captain, this here warp place is some sorta hellaciously frighten' multi-dimensional incongruity).
Lyndon B. Johnson
Brand Spankin' New Vice President of the Republic of Tinselman
P.S. I think I also deserve a Wienermobile.
President Robyn Miller and the Citizens of the Republic of Tinselman
Tinselman Talk Blog
Don't waste another second. It's time for nominations for the much anticipated Annual Weblog Awards, otherwise known as the Bloggies. Of course we all remember the very first Bloggies. What a proud beginning! It was 42 years ago, soon after then-Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson (USA) "invented the internet" and when blogs were still in their infancy. At that first awards ceremony, he began the long-cherished tradition of personally awarding each blogger at the White House (pictured above).
Here's the thing... no nominee has ever made a clean sweep of every Bloggie category! With your help, I believe we can accomplish this (for Tinselman Talk).
You may not feel right about lying. I don't know what to say. Sometimes a person has to make small sacrifices for the common good (of Tinselman). No, my weblog is not Asian, Australian or Irish, I've never done a podcast, I don't do politics and I've not yet covered gay issues. But I might-possibly-maybe fit into one or two of those other categories (like Most Wow-Magical Weblog, Woah-Hey!).
And besides, I've got to win in at least one of the categories because I've always wanted to meet V.P. Johnson.