What's This?

What have I done! WHAT...HAVE...I...DONE!

Here we are in this rock... this miserable, dark hole of nothingness, out on an unknown edge of an unknown galaxy! We are all lost! Lost and dying! Face it, people... we're dying! Ahhhhh!

Dying! And we're loosing our minds! I've only been pretending to lead you! There's nothing... absolutely nothing down in this dim pit of a hole of a rock of a planet. Oh God... we've been walking for miles now, and we're almost out of water. And we would have been starving too... if those man-eating cave-wasps had never tried to attack us (and, by-golly, they were huge... but actually pretty tasty!).

And here we are... still walking into this nothingness... this blackness ahead. Walking, walking, walking...

But wait! What's this?! There is a light!

At first, it seems almost blinding. Our eyes have become so accustomed to the darkness of the cave. But in a matter of moments, perhaps seconds, it feels like water pouring over us, and we find ourselves running toward it uncontrollably. It is white: the light of a sun! Or something as bright as the sun! We are famished and we are hungry for this light!

Now here we are, standing together—here, I have brought you—but it is not what we have expected. We emerge from the cave. Before us is a stream. It is about 6 feet wide. It flows away from us the same direction in which we've been walking. A crystal clear stream. We can't help but drink our fill!

Then we notice the multitudes of weirdly shaped statues. They are impossibly shaped creatures, fastened to the ground. Perhaps they are made out of cement... or adobe? Those closest to us are life-sized. Some are smaller. Those further away are gigantic. Titans. Some maybe as large as four stories. Five stories? I can't tell. Even though many have fixed smiles and are colorful, they somehow look alone. And sad. The multitudes eyes seems to watch us.

Comments

[Adam Wilmer]

I want to try and climb to the top of one of those high statues and get a better look of things down below...

[william shatner]

What are you doing, Adam?! You're crazy! You're insane! You could hurt yourself!

Anyway, it takes some scrambling and you return to us with a few bruises. But you return nonetheless.

And tell us you've seen something really weird... up ahead, beyond a turn, a man in a black suit (and tie) is standing on a small dock beside the stream. Two small boats are tied to the dock. They're very decorative. One's in the style of an Egyptian fishing boat. The other is in the style of a pirate boat. But they're both miniature... like a ride from an amusement park.

Who built this? What is this forgotten realm of the obscure? We've come to rescue the Khan and now we are lost in a bucket of weirdness!!! What's happening to us?!!!!

[Adam Wilmer]

I want to ask Mr. Blacksuit, what the deal is with the magic Disney funboats, I'd also like to ask him for food (as is we're starving) and any sedatives for the Shatner would also be nice...

[Alli]

So do we still need my hostage, or can I get rid of him now?

[indie]

Yes, um, captains sirs, this hostage looks like he knows some vital information. Shall Alli and I interrogate him?

[Captain Rupey]

Indie, Alli -

Yes, brutalize the prisoner by all means. Pay no attention to the statues and boats. Mr. Shatner is only trying to confuse you.

Mr Shatner -

By taking us further into the cave like this, you scuttled the perfectly good chance we had back there to really put our Republic on the star charts. To achieve intergalacatic recognition through nuclear diplomacy preceded by light entertainment.

"What's This?" you ask? It's a photo of you, Mr. Shatner.

"What have I done?" you ask? You've saved this photo as "khan.jpg". Which presumably means you are planning a political comeback . . . as the Khan!

Ha! Talk about Lazarus! First you pretend to be the Khan, then (by your own admission in this post) you pretend to be Captain, now you think we'll buy you being Khan again?