Attention crew... I've got some good news and then some bad news and then more bad news and then more bad news and then more bad news and then some really stupendous news and then some god awful news.
First the good news, as reported on Rockbridge. We finally found the Khan! Isn't this totally stupendous? There was a lot of celebrating all around. We were all so thrilled to behold his mighty face!
Unfortunately, as again reported on Rockbridge, this Khan turned out to be a fraud. A false Khan, so to speak. He was a robot—and so, amid our disappointment, we burned him at the stake as soon as possible.
Bad news #2: The museum of Dust finally attacked; they attacked with the mad fury of stampeding horses... fiery hooves pounding across a desert of death... and fire. We were overrun! Screaming. Oh, the pain! Spiders everywhere. Nowhere to go. I've never seen so many arachnids. Our phasers were useless... especially against these armored fem-spiders (see photo).
As you all are well aware, the life support for the ship was almost run out. And so: bad news #3: During the attack, all air supplies were finally depleted and we started to die.
Okay, you ready for the stupendous news! Just as the last crew member (who weirdly turned out to be Rupey) was taking in his last breath, suddenly, all the spiders and entire ship and everything else around just sort of disappeared, and we were all breathing normally and were alive again! And then we all heard a voice, and it said, "Holodeck program over. Please leave the holodeck to main ship."
I know this might be a little difficult to digest, but it turns out that this was all part of that holodeck prank we played on you. None of us had ever actually found our way out of the holodeck. We've all been trapped in a virtual Enterprise for... I don't even know how long. Isn't that just a total riot! So I guess it was like a holodeck in a holodeck in a holodeck! Ha! What fun! What a laugh, huh?!
But let's get serious 'cause I've got some more bad news, and you can probably guess what it is. No one's had been taking care of the Enterprise for awhile so, when we emerged from our little adventure, the ship was on a collision course with an unknown planet. And we were still surrounded by the Museum of Dust. The impact was severe. Fortunately, no one was wounded... to the point of death.
The ship will not fly again. We've not been able to find food or water. The Museum of Dust ships are hovering in the air above us. It's looking bad, folks.
Could this be the end of the Republic of Tinselman? Will we all die here on this god-forsaken planet? Will we all be eaten by swarms of spiders and fem-spiders?
This would be an excellent time to call in the Klingons as backup, wouldn't you say? I mean, they're allies with the Federation now, plus they have Bat'leth swords, and long wonderful, full rich hair, not only that... but my phaser is just about on empty. And I don't want to end up like Commander Riker, 55 years old and with no starship of my own... what the hell am I talking about?
Posted by: Adam Wilmer | November 13, 2006 at 12:49 PM
Yes, Adam, the Klingons do have full, rich hair, but would that not prove useless against the spiders, who in fact have full, rich webs? And would not the fem-spiders also have full, rich hair?
And why is your phaser almost empty? Do you shoot like an American?
Just wondering.
Posted by: indrabar | November 13, 2006 at 01:39 PM
Hey!
Posted by: Adam Wilmer | November 13, 2006 at 02:46 PM
*shudders*
Thank god that holodeck-in-a-holodeck-in-a-holodeck experience is over! Or is it? What if we are yet in another holodeck? How many holodecks could we possibly be trapped in? How easy is it for me to go stir crazy thinking about this?
What if this whole "lost Khan" is actually another holodeck experience, and the real Khan is outside the holodeck watching our efforts for his viewing pleasure? What if MoD is part of the holodeck experience?
Regardless of our holodeck situation, I just hope I never have to go through another experience similar to the one in that NPS secret prison secret prison, Al Khazneh, Nabataean City. I may have been inflicted with post-traumatic stress disorder, although time will tell for sure.
Posted by: Joelson Carl | November 13, 2006 at 09:18 PM
Hmmm, I didn't think of that, Joelson. We may still be trapped. What are we to do then? Oh, wait, I just thought of something! If we are still in the Holodeck ( and I hope we aren't) then is Adam's phaser really empty? Or has he just been assuming that it is empty? Does he even have a phaser? Do any of us have phasers?
Oh, the wonders (and terrors) of this cursed Holodeck!
Posted by: indrabar | November 14, 2006 at 06:56 AM
If we're still in the holodeck, are these even our clothes? Maybe we're naked! Maybe our food isn't real! Maybe we're starving... dying! Maybe Shatner's not real! Maybe this isn't a holodeck! Maybe this is some elaborate fantasy-plot inside a strange computerized device somewhere!!!
Nah... that's just stupid...
Posted by: Adam Wilmer | November 14, 2006 at 07:39 AM
Maybe this is all an evil plot by the MoD (which sadly, does in fact exist) to keep us in an utter state of terror and confusion! Agh! Panic! Hopelessness! Despair!
If Joelson escaped from the prison (which he obviously did) and of course he would not leave his compatriot behind - then where is Alli? Why is our illustrious Psychic Advisor not advising us in our hour of need?
Posted by: indrabar | November 14, 2006 at 07:43 AM
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